Mom was standing at the sink one morning washing dishes in her gown. Little Johnny came in, raised her gown and looked under it, and she isn't wearing any panties.
Little Johnny asked his mother, "What's that?"
She replied, "That's my beaver."
Little Johnny took another look and said, "Mom that must be one mean Son of a Bitch."
"What makes you say that?" the Mother replied.
"Because he has shit in one eye and blood in the other!"

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and theteacher says that an interesting phenomenon ofnature is that only humans stutter, no other animalin the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my caton the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane camearound the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff!ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say"FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny,tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?""No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. MyMom is a good cook."